Getting "unstuck" in everyday moments

We’ve all experienced times when we feel “stuck.” It may occur when working on a problem at home or at work. You keep running through it over and over in your mind without finding an adequate solution. It can happen when you’re fixated on something that happened in the past or worrying about something that may happen in the future; you just can't seem to take your mind off of it. It can also be experienced on a broader scale, when it feels like your life is on the wrong track or stagnating. When we're in this place, it simply doesn't feel good. In these situations, there's also a quality of staleness, a lack of vitality and fresh thinking.

This article summarizes some of the ways that can help people get “unstuck” in everyday moments. These strategies can lead to new perspectives, more creative problem-solving and a greater sense of emotional well-being.

Generosity: take action that is about giving or helping another

Often when we’re obsessing over something or feeling very anxious, we’re quite self-absorbed. Thinking more about oneself can contribute to further rumination, which inhibits problem-solving and maintains uncomfortable feeling states.

Get yourself out of this rut by focusing on how you can help another. What you do doesn't have to be elaborate. You can choose to pick somebody up from work during a storm, cook somebody a meal or knock on your elderly neighbor’s door to see if they need anything at the grocery store. Once you make the decision to "get out of yourself" (so to speak) and focus on another, you'll likely start to feel better immediately. And, if the recipient of your generosity shows gratitude, you’ll feel even better, recharged and more focused for the next task at hand.

In an interesting online interview about his book "Crossings: Everyday People, Unexpected Events and Life-Affirming Change," Dr. Richard Heckler talks about how generosity is an integral part of personal and spiritual transformation. Heckler, a psychologist and professor, noted that people often come out of a major life transition with a desire to help others. He described a process of going from fear-based thinking, to curiousity-based and finally generosity-based thinking when dealing with great change.

When we're "stuck" with a problem at work or in our lives as a whole, we're often in a fear-based mode of thinking and acting. An act of generosity can snap us out of this cycle.

Heckler aptly noted that in addition to IQ (intellectual intelligence) and EQ (emotional intelligence), there is a “Generosity Quotient” (GQ) that exists in people and warrants further study. So, next time you're feeling stuck, increase your GQ by giving to another! You'll end up feeling better and so will the person you helped out.

Change your environment

When you're in a rut, changing your environment can offer a fresh perspective. If you're sitting at the office, get up and go somewhere else to work or even just take a brief walk. If you're at home, go to a different room, go outside or to a cafe.

By getting up and changing your environment, you'll shift some of your attention to the physical plane, which can help you get out of the mind-spinning mode. For example, when you leave your apartment to talk a walk, you'll likely notice your body more as you walk; you're also more likely to notice different things outside. These "new" experiences will often help you snap out of the ruminative mind, clearing the way for fresher thinking.

If you're feeling stuck and have ample time on your hands, go out into nature. It's amazing how spending time in nature can be a particularly rejuvenating and even spiritual experience for some. There's something about being surrounded by natural beauty that pulls one's mind into the present moment.

Call a friend and vent

Negative emotions, thought patterns and behaviors tend to occur more strongly in isolation. If you're fixating on a problem and you can't let go, call a friend. You can simply vent about what you're going through or even talk about something completely different. Often, just by "making contact" with another fellow human being, you'll start to feel differently and less stuck.

Alternatively, if you tend to vent a lot to others and find that you feel worse afterward, this may be a sign that you're in a patterned behavior (i.e., habitual behavior that doesn't involve much conscious awareness). In this case, venting may actually reinforce the problem because what we focus on in life tends to grow. If this is the case for you, choosing one of the other methods discussed may be more helpful.

Gratitude: find ways to be thankful for what you have

As noted a moment ago, what we focus on tends to grow. In our consumer, materialistic society here in the US, we've all been conditioned to believe in a scarcity myth that constantly tells us we don't have enough, that we need more to be happy and content. Because of this conditioning, we tend to focus a lot on what we don't have, rather than what we do have.

Dr. Robert Emmons and Dr. Michael McCullough have been involved in a long-term research project on gratitude and thankfulness. Their findings are fascinating and powerful. For example, writing in a weekly gratitude journal was correlated with greater emotional and physical well-being; more optimism; and greater effectivness in one's life with regards to goal attainment. They note that "grateful people report higher levels of positive emotions, life satisfaction, vitality, optimism and lower levels of depression and stress."

If you're feeling stuck, take 5 minutes and write down everything you’re thankful for today, this week, etc. For example, you may notice that you’re thankful for having a roof over your head, ample healthy food options, having a family, having a job you like, having friends, etc. Writing this information down is more powerful than simply thinking about it, as it's more likely to embed in your subconscious. However, if this feels difficult to do, just thinking about the things for which you're grateful will likely be helpful in shifting your emotional state.

Take a nap!

And last, but not least, if you're feeling stuck, don't forget about the power of the nap. Taking naps need not be reserved only for children and those living in other countries that value the siesta!

Research shows that sleep contributes to an increase in creative thinking and problem-solving, among other benefits. In essence, it can help “reset” your brain, so that you can look at a situation from a fresher perspective. The benefits of taking naps have become widespread enough that corporate powerhouses Google, Cisco Systems and Proctor & Gamble have installed sleeping “pods” for their employees to recharge by taking naps on the job.

To read more about the benefits of napping, click on the following New York Times article: "We'll Fill This Space, but First a Nap."